I just came up with that. It’s a handy little mantra to remember. Why is it we have this built in mechanism which seems to puts us bottom of the list every time? And really, after going to work, looking after the needs of the children, cooking, keeping on top of ALL that washing, keeping everyone fed, sometimes there just isn’t time left in the day for “me” time. Or so we tell ourselves.
As women we are, in our natures, happy to nurture and give…unless our wells become drained to the point of empty. This is not to make us victims. We are responsible for keeping our inner wells full. We cannot love our families and partners properly if we are running on empty. So it is our responsibility to put ourselves first to ensure we have the reserves to keep giving. Seems counter-intuitive? Selfish? On aeroplanes they tell parents to put on their own mask first before helping the child – this is no different.
On aeroplanes they tell parents to put on their own mask first before helping the child – this is no different.
Yet when it comes to getting ourselves a massage or some therapy or coaching, we can’t seem to justify spending money on ourselves. I have a friend who recently spent hundreds at the vet on her pet guinea pig – but do you think she’d ever spend that on herself? No. She herself admitted she wouldn’t, in a hundred years, spend that kind of money on herself and had to laugh at the absurdity of it.
The thing is, by looking after yourself you ARE looking after everyone else. You are the queen of the home and the queen sets the tone. If you’re drained and stressed with nothing left to give, how is that any good for anyone? So the next time you catch yourself putting yourself last or not being able to justify spending money to keep yourself happy and in balance, remember you are in effect taking from the very ones you want to put first.
There are so many ways we can fill our wells in simple ways that don’t even have to cost money – just a little time, carved out just for ourselves. For me I like to go for nature walks on my own or with a good girlfriend. Take a bath with candles with my favourite music on. Call my mum or my aunties on Skype and have a good natter with a cup of tea, uninterrupted by kids for a whole hour. Write in a diary. Read a book in bed. Go do a yoga class or do one at home from Youtube. Have a good clearout of clothes (especially old underwear – why do we hang on to them until they are basically rags?!) and then buy myself some new things in their place. Go charity-shop hunting for a unique piece of clothing, that almost feels it was put there for me as a little present from the universe. Buy myself a custard danish from the really fancy bakery and savour every bite. You get the idea. What are some of the ways you top up your well?